In Finality:
The Mortal Twilight

Planning our final disposition ahead of time is a gift to our loved ones. If at all possible, don’t put the burden of “final arrangements” upon your loved ones. They will already be grieving over you having left them, and stressed over the anticipation of handling your estate. Consider any and all of the following:

• Do you want an open or closed casket wake?
• Do you want a religious funeral?
• Do you want an elaborate casket or a basic casket?
• Did you direct a cadaver donation in your Advance Healthcare Directive and register with an anatomical association or mortuary science program?
• Do you want to be cremated?
• Do you want to rent a casket for an open wake before cremation?
• Do you want your ashes preserved in an urn and interred, or spread somewhere special (in accordance with governing regulations).
• What do you want your headstone to reflect?
• Do you want your family and friends to have a repast meal?

After you’ve made your decisions, make sure you write them down, and select someone you trust to abide by your wishes. Many people are taken by surprise that even though you’ve decided how you want your human remains to be handled when you die, even if you have pre-paid your funeral, your Funeral Agent does not have to abide by your wishes. I know, I know, . . . “you know you’re from New Jersey when . . . ” What is enforceable is WHO you choose to make the arrangements for disposition of your human remains. So, make sure you select wisely.

If you don’t choose your Funeral Agent and successor Agents, New Jersey has a default statute for who does have authority, even if you wouldn’t choose them yourself. You can set forth your selections for your Agents in a properly executed Last Will & Testament, and/or a separate “Appointment of Agent to Control the Funeral and Disposition of Remains” form published by the New Jersey Cemetery Board.

Having open and honest conversations with your loved ones, and memorializing it in a writing, leaves nothing to question. Give your loved ones assurance and confidence that they will know exactly what to do when the time comes so they won’t feel doubt, guilt or question themselves on their choices and wondering “did I do what she wanted?” Give them the priceless gift of love.